are we human, or are we dancer?

bleh
weekend kinda sucked
just because i think i'm getting sick
and basically i was suuper tired all day saturday & sunday
arrrghits the fucking weather but what can i really do?
lmao believe me if i could i would :P
damn you weather
the snow had all melted and stuff
but now on thursday and friday night it decided to come back again D:
not as much as before thanks but still...
lmao @ me ranting about the weather.
oh welltoday i'm home sick from school but otherwise boringness
i can't wait for the fall out boy concert in may :]
i soooo wish i could go to Bamboozle in jersey but i highly doubt it
especially with everything going on with my mom and she's scared to take days off or she thinks she'll get fired :/
her boss sucks monkey balls & is a bitch who complains if she takes off her days using her PTO for fucks sake.

hope everyone else is doing well :]

<3

i hate the way you say my name, like it's something secret

vday sucked :[
basically this whole weekend did.
me & kara hung out basically all weekend
she slept over @ my place on friday AND saturday which was planned
and then we chilled at her house yesterday
so here it goes, my aunt chrissy died last week
i wasn’t super close with her really at least not lately

i used to be closer to her but she was in jail for a few months so i couldn’t really be
well she died of what else, an overdose. I wasn’t surprised but it still stung a bit.
I’m surprised I didn’t take it harder but whatever, i just feel numb if that makes any sense.

so that. then friday kara slept over and earlier we heard from this guy from school that there was a rave going on on vday so we were excited and called SOURCE and stuff and it said to call the day of after 5

my dad wasn’t happy that she slept over but what else is new? lol. he doesn’t like people staying over in general. but we figured we could get a ride from the dude maybe the next day and go to the thing but it didnt happen.

my mom had a dr’s appointment on saturday because she’s been sick for a few weeks, so she decided to finally go. apparently her blood pressure was through the roof and they said immediately that she needed to go to the hospital for some tests.

i of course freak out. im such a fucking drama queen but whatever, i couldnt handle it. so my vday was soo lovely :/ she went into the hospital saturday but i was hysterical when i heard. they thought she might have a blood clot which is what upset me the most. mainly cuz i remember when my grandma had one like 2 yrs before she ended up dying. so not a good association.

she was in there until last night (monday) and of course being the workaholic she is went to work today :S i wish she hadnt, it really freaked me out thnking she could die. me and my stepdad dont exactly get along so it wouldnt be good probably. we got along surprisingly well for the weekend, but he also didnt come home til sunday night (he’s a fireman so he was at the firehouse all night saturday) and went straight to bed pretty much. he was nice enough to help me decide what to wear to the funeral/wake on monday, i swear to god i should have been born a dude sometimes :S i am NOT good at putting together outfits (correctly!) lol. i love jeans cuz pretty much anything goes with them but when it needs to look super nice and matching it doesnt happen XD

so background too it was my dad’s sister that died and his little sister at that whom he was very protective of. so he’s broken up a lot about it and i’m being very nice to him cuz i mean it was his little sister! i feel really bad actually :[ she got into drugs and it really hurt him. and ever since he spent all this money on rehab and stuff to help her anyway he could and it didn’t even matter.

so i didn’t go to the rave with kara, she still slept over cuz i really didnt wanna be alone at the time. so that sucked, and i was worried as all hell about my mom the whole weekend. i was gonna go to clandestine cuz they were having a thing for vday with the valentines day hoodie and stuff, i got the hoodie off the website the first day of the relaunch but i wanted to check out what else they had :] i reeeally wanted the blue camo hoodie sooo badly but it was sold out before i could think lol but now i want the patches hoodie from the store cuz it’s sold out online too.

damn you wentz, taking my money. although i do give it up rather willingly haha

ill update soon, i just cannot get the hang of posting regularly & sorry for the long post lol i get carried away when i do

<3

I wanna scream I love you from the top of my lungs, but im afraid that someone else will hear me...

too much stuff to do lately
driving school is done on friday
so I can get to work on other things
I reeeally want to do something with those silicone/rubber bracelets everyone seems to be wearing
either quotes/band lyrics or maybe just something
designs or little pictures :)
idk but im looking at prices for bulk buying
+ starting to sell A LOT of my magazines either on ebay or merchbooth
not all of them but the ones of bands that aren't my favorite
they're probably someones favorite band
I just need to make room & clear out
I really want my own place more then ever.
just a studio but I need someone to rent with
+ a job.
BIG obstacle
I've always been an insomniac
but lately its like I thrive when everyone elses asleep
I run on nothing
yet I run to everything
I feel like im always busy but I think I said that already...
Like im always too busy for something or don't have time for something
I need to get myself out there and stop this crippling anxiety bullshit.
If it keeps up im not going anywhere.
Its inscribed in me.
time to erase.

first post :P

hei

haha never had a blogspot so i decided i should
bleh the parents are in vegas without me
which i totally love cuz it means i get to do whatever i want pretty much
& smoke pot all evening XD
noo im not a total stoner
but close probably lol
im at my grandpas which is lame but hey he has a computer :]
so im over here for a bit probably gonna leave at 7ish
idk what to do tonite though, i wanna go out but nobody else does :S
which sucks
i swear my friends are lame kinda, not really i love them
gah i contradict myself so much but oh well i doubt anybodys actually reading this
& not some college person or whatnot haha
im going to really try to update this semi-frequently
which for me it turns out is rocket science
since i've said & done that with so many other blogs lol
but really i will


xoxo